As much as I wanted to just cuddle and enjoy my new baby the recovery was very daunting. This surgery is no joke, they cut through every layer to get to your baby. Your abdominals are no longer fully connected. The nerves and everything have been affected. I was able to hold and breastfeed her in recovery and I’m grateful for that, but not feeling half your body isn’t fun.
The nurse came and gave Khaleesi her first bath while I was still in recovery and I was so uncomfortable with how she was handled and how much they washed her hair. (Shouldn’t this be something that the parents get to do?) I just wanted to smell my newborn baby in all her newness.
It seemed to take hours for me to feel my legs enough to lift my butt up off the bed so that we could be moved up to our room. Oh and it hurt so much to move that it took everything I had to accomplish this small feat.
Khaleesi was a champion eater already and was sleeping well between feeds. She was also fully alert and aware of her surroundings when awake and she was so strong. It was hard because I couldn’t even adjust myself in the bed, let alone do anything for my new baby without someone else being there to help.
When I say everything hurt that is an understatement, I mean it is a major surgery and they cut through everything to get to your baby in your uterus!
I couldn’t eat or drink until I had urinated enough, which I thought well how can I do that without taking anything in?!? I wasn’t able to get myself to the bathroom without help and needed my husband to help me in the shower because just standing up I was shaking uncontrollably.
I had no idea what was involved when a baby was born and what they do with them in the hospital let alone how I felt about any of it. What is that sheet of paper where they prick their foot (mommy cried) and fill in 5 circles or something. (I will discuss this in a later blog as the truth is really disturbing.)
We had put off the newborn vaccines from the start because we weren’t quite sure how we felt about them, but they never stopped asking if they could take her. At one point after midnight on Saturday night a nurse came in and caught us at a weak and tired moment. They took her and gave her the newborn vaccines (HepB and Vitamin K probably), and the baby they brought back was very upset and not the same.
Prior to this time away (this was the only time she was out of our sight) she was nursing really well, sleeping well, and not real fussy at all. After they brought her back I had a lot of trouble with her and it took weeks to get back to normal. She wouldn’t latch on my left side, it was like she was in extreme pain when laid her to that side. She also had slight jaundice after that. (I will talk about this in another blog later as there is a lot to be shared there.)
Ironically my sister came to visit us on Sunday and handed me a book saying “Do your own research before you get any vaccines going forward.” I wish she would have come the day before with that advice because maybe we would have stuck to our decision in the middle of the night!!
We left the hospital with a sense of stress and uncertainty because we had a new baby that was now not nursing as she had been and seemed to be in pain when laid in a certain way. The transition ahead of us was a new adventure and we were looking forward to it nonetheless.